Selamat Bergereja

Dua hari yang lalu saya membaca buku “Selamat Bergereja:33 Renungan tentang Komunitas Iman” karangan Andar Ismail. Sebagaimana buku seri Selamat  yang lain, tiap renungan umumnya pendek (3-4 halaman), berjudul menarik, mengungkap hal yang penting secara sederhana, dan membuat pikiran tergelitik.

Buku ini diawali dengan mengingatkan kita tentang makna gereja: orang-orang yang dipanggil keluar dari hidupnya yang lama yang tak mengenal Tuhan (Yunani: ekklesia –> diserap menjadi igreya, ecclesia, gereja) untuk menjadi komunitas milik Tuhan (Yunani: kuriake –> diserap menjadi kirke, kerk, church). Demikianlah gereja bukanlah gedung atau struktur organisasi, tetapi komunitas. Ya, komunitas! Dalam renungan-renungan selanjutnya, penulis melanjutkan uraiannya dengan mengingatkan komunitas seperti apa seharusnya gereja itu.

Gereja adalah komunitas yang peduli, sesuai dengan hakekatnya sebagai satu Tubuh, yaitu Tubuh Kristus. Bagaimana dapat menghayati kesatuan, bila antar gereja saling menganggap diri benar dan yang lain salah? Bagaimana dapat disebut satu Tubuh, bila sesama warga gereja tidak mau saling mengenal dan peduli? Penulis mengkritik kebiasaan para pendeta dan aktivis gereja yang “tidak mau mendengar, tapi mencekoki ayat Alkitab. Seorang ibu yang sedang putus asa dan membenci tentunya tidak butuh diingatkan bahwa ia tidak boleh membenci. Ia butuh didengarkan, butuh simpati, butuh ditolong untuk melepaskan perasaan bencinya”. Sebuah cerita lucu tapi tajam tentang lawatan dari gereja ke rumah seorang nenek dan sebuah daftar keluh kesah jemaat dengan nama inisial A – Z menegaskan pendapat penulis tentang hal ini. Gereja haruslah komunitas yang peduli dan bukannya teriakan kosong tak bermakna dari mimbar. Bagi saya, itulah Injil, itulah gereja: kabar baik bahwa Tuhan peduli, maka gereja pun menghadirkan kepedulian itu, misalnya harapan buat yang tertindas, pertolongan buat yang miskin, pengobatan untuk  yang sakit; bukannya menakut-nakuti bahwa orang akan masuk neraka kalau tidak jadi Kristen.

Berikutnya, gereja merupakan komunitas belajar mengajar. Belajar apa? macam-macam! Tentunya belajar mengenal iman Kristen kita. Lalu belajar memahami makna gereja dan peranan kita dalam gereja. Memperluas wawasan tentang berbagai pandangan yang ada dalam gereja. Lalu juga belajar peduli, belajar menghargai dan menerima orang dan komunitas lain, terlepas dari apapun ras, agama, dan pandangan politik mereka. Sebab sang Kepala Gereja mencontohkan hal demikian. Kristus menangis bersama Maria dan Marta. Ia peduli. Kristus menerima orang Yahudi maupun Yunani. Ia tidak menyebut orang “kafir”.

Berikutnya, penulis menyinggung tentang peranan kita sebagai anggota gereja. Dapatkah orang menjadi Kristen tanpa mengikatkan dirinya pada gereja? Tidak dapat! Pengakuan iman memang hal pribadi, tetapi “kita semua adalah tubuh Kristus dan kita masing-masing adalah anggotanya”. Bagaimana menjadi anggota tubuh kalau tidak mau menyatu dengan tubuh tersebut? Sebagai seorang pendeta senior, dengan realistis penulis berkata: Gereja mungkin mengecewakan … membosankan … melakukan kesalahan. Namun seenggan-enggannya perasaan kita dan sejauh-jauhnya kita pergi, kita pulang kembali ke gereja. Sebab gereja adalah rumah milik Kristus yang tersedia sebagai tempat tinggal kita. Di situ kita tinggal. Di situ kita serumah dengan Kristus.

Membaca buku ini saya merasa senang, sekaligus agak sedih. Senang, sebab seperti bernostalgia. Masa remaja saya banyak diwarnai oleh buku-buku seri Selamat.  Pandangan dan pengertian saya tentang iman Kristen banyak didapat dari ajaran GKI – yang berakar dari ajaran Presbyterian – Calvinis – dan buku seri Selamat menyarikan banyak hal mengenai ajaran tersebut. Membaca buku ini seperti ini seperti membaca buku kesayangan di masa kecil. Agak sedih, sebab saya merasa buku ini (dan juga 1-2 buku seri Selamat yang terakhir saya baca) tidak sepadat dan setajam buku seri Selamat yang terdahulu. Mungkin karena Pdt Andar beranjak tua, dan kesehatannya juga saya dengar tidak prima. Rasanya seperti melihat orang tua yang kita kasihi beranjak tua dan lemah.  Atau mungkin saya yang beranjak dewasa sehingga buku yang dulu padat kini terasa ringan?

Buku “Selamat Bergereja” diterbitkan oleh BPK Gunung Mulia dan dapat dibeli di toko buku Kristen. Setahu saya belum ada terjemahan ke bahasa Inggris. Kalau ada yang berniat menerbitkan, saya mau melamar jadi penerjemahnya

Her Majesty the Queen

I am somehow captivated by those women which history presents us as great queens (either sovereign ruler or consort). Reading their biographies and catching a glimpse of their lifes through movies (for even in those highly dramatized movies there must be a bit of accuracy, that’s why I said ‘a glimpse’) has arisen in me a strange respect and pity to them. Respect, as their inherent dignity commands respect. Pity, as a crown is a heavy burden as Maria Theresa said. And strange, as being an Asian and commoner I know nothing about them nor their culture.

On her accession to the throne, Alexandrina Victoria of Kent was only 18. She became Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland (and Empress of India later) and she reigned for 63 years, the longest monarch in UK until this date. She reigned from the early 19th century until the beginning of the 20th century (she died in January 1901). When she became queen, UK was already a constitutional monarchy where a monarch is no longer an absolute ruler but only a head of state with rights to advise and to warn.  Practically a monarch was only a symbol. But this great lady, thanks to her charming consort Prince Albert, managed to stamp her presence in the world history far stronger than a mere symbol. Even as a  young lady, she was able to obtain respect from her ministers. The Bedchamber Crisis, foolish as it may be, shows her strong will. Together with Albert, they supported the development in science, technology and art. The Great Exhibition in 1851 was one of the strongest manifestation of their support.  Although in her later days as a widow she seemed to dislike progress (she reportedly hated the telephone, a great invention at that era) and shunned herself from her people, in her last years she again managed to win the support and loyalty of her subjects. In present day Singapore, her statue is still standing in the Botanic Garden. Below the statues an inscription can be read: “…to Her Majesty … show gratitude …from Her Majesty’s Chinese subjects”.

In Victorian era the Queen no longer wielded executive power, but there were older times when a monarch literally rules the country. In 16th century England, there was a queen who wielded such power and show that she deserves her title and crown. Born as a daughter of King Henry VIII (yes, the one with 7 wives) and Anne Boleyn, Elizabeth experienced much in her childhood and youth. After a brief childhood in the palace, she was deemed illegitimate and her mother beheaded.  When her stepsister became queen, she came under suspicion of treason. Finally, at the age of 25 she became Elizabeth I, the Queen of England and Ireland.  Despite the turbulent youth, throughout her reign (1558 – 1603) Elizabeth I proved to be an able sovereign. While Victoria struggled against her domineering mother, annoyed by prime minister selection of her ladies-in-waiting; Elizabeth I faced far more dangerous troubles: Catholic – Protestants turmoil, threat from Spain, treason lurking in her inner circles. While Victoria found an able and faithful guidance from her beloved husband, Elizabeth I did not found a suitable match and sheltered herself in the image of the Virgin Queen. Despite all her troubles, her 44 years on the throne provided valuable stability for the kingdom. England was saved from foreign threat; the Church of England was established (an establishment which may not be the best or truest, but at least brought stability for the people). Some even regarded her era as the Golden Age of England.

In 18th century, the Holy Roman Empire was one of the most respectable powers in Europe (and hence in the world, as at that time this continent seems to be the centre of the world). This empire regarded itself no less than the successor to the mighty Roman Emperor. And a woman was once the ruler of this empire.  Maria Theresa of Austria, styled as Her Imperial Majesty the Holy Roman Empress, was the Queen of Austria, Hungary, Bohemia, Croatia,  and so many other realms! On her accession to the throne, the army was weak and she was not prepared by her father to become a ruler. Nevertheless, she achieved much during her reign: she strengthened the army (increasing their size by 200%), created a supreme court to uphold justice, strengthened the economy of her territories, created a decree regarding hospital management which results in one of the most complete autopsy records in the world, introduced a mandatory education, and introduced a decency police to arrest prostitutes. A devout Catholic educated by the Jesuits, the Empress was intolerant to other faiths such as the Jews or Great Britain with their Church of England, whom she regarded as Protestant heretics. The Empress, however, seems less successful as a mother.  From her many children, the most famous (notorious?) is Marie Antoinette who was executed under the guillotine as the hated Queen of France. Her oldest son and successor Emperor Joseph II was not in her calibre in terms of statesmanship. Another son, later Emperor Leopold II shown indifference when his sister Antoinette perished under the guillotine. Her other daughters whom she sent to various kingdom and duchys to become ruling duchesses and queens did her little honour.

And what about our present day? In these days when a hereditary monarch sounds so archaic and the idea of the Divine Rights of kings sounds ridiculous (even for those who still believe in God), I still think that one grand dame deserves our respect. Elizabeth II, the present queen of United Kingdom and the Commonwealths has shown the world that she was no less dignified, no less able than another queen who bears her name. As her great-great-grandmother Victoria, she became a queen in a very young age yet managed to become a national symbol in a modernised country. She appears to be symbolized some kind of stability for England. And just as Maria Theresa, it seems that she is less successful as a mother than as a queen regnant. So typical for great sovereign, she does have a deep sense of religious and civic duty, and takes her coronation oath seriously.  How can we not respect a young princess who said in a broadcast to the British Commonwealth, “…my whole life, whether it be long or short, shall be devoted to your service and the service of our great imperial family to which we all belong.”

I heard many times that every little girl dreams to be a princess. I tried to recall my childhood dreams, but I’m not sure whether I ever dreamed to be a princess. Nowadays, I often thought what a privilege it is to become a ruling, sovereign queen. Not a pretty, protected, little princess; but a tough, able, majestic queen. Sounds more appealing to me.

daily life 19 May 09

ngamuk.

there is no such things as true friends. but of course there is. After all last week homily was about the True Friend. so there is no such things as true friends on earth? but I hope there is. so, there is probably no such things as true friends on earth.

I would not come to any of your seminar or defense. Never. but never say never? but I am so angry. No one may regard me so lightly as they did!

ga temenan sama mereka juga ga mati! makan sendirian jg ga masalah! tapi masalah kan? after all, I do want to have friends. oh yeah, but they are not qualified to be my friends. but why so many people are not qualified? am I so difficult?

wish list

Below are things I wish would like  plan to do or experience. Some things have been done, some others I plan to do in near future, the rest I plan to do at least before I die.

1. Go to Botanic garden just to sit and read. Tolkien’s letter would be suitable.

2. Be a volunteer in a hospital, museum, or tuition centre.

3. Be a church pianist. A real piano, not an electric one. Preferably a grand piano. Singing hymns, anthems and psalms, not strange new songs called contemporary songs with lyrics out from nowhere. And more importantly, a real church.

4. Attending international conferences and make the most of it. Presenting, getting to know great professors, looking around whether anyone needs a young faculty member.

5. Publish some publish-worthy works in respectable journals at an appropriate time.

6. Work as a researcher.

7. Work as a structural / geotechnical engineer. With PE qualification.

8. Handle my family business.

9. Stay and work in a small town / village in a Western country. For a year or two.

10. Getting married.

11. Be a mother.

12. Take a course in theology. Church history would be very appealing.

13. Have a good sleep and wake up naturally without alarm.

14. Wake up and knowing that I don’t need to rush.

15. Spend 3-4 days for prayers and reflection in a monastery.

16. Visit Taize.

17. Write books.

18. Teach my children math.

19. Teach them to love it.

Daily life 14 May 09

Tidak terasa tiba2 sudah Mei lagi. Teringat betapa Mei tahun lalu sungguh bulan yang suram karena pencarian topik thesis. Terpikir juga bahwa bulan ini saya akan berusia 24 tahun. Astaga. 24 years, and what have I done?
Senang draft Metropolis sudah selesai. Sekarang mengerjakan simulasi random field untuk hydraulic conductivity sesuai future work di proposal. Sambil menunggu revisi paper Metropolis dan soil-water curve dari Prof.
Dr Lee sudah membalas dan menyertakan cek…horeee….bisa ikutan ICOSSAR. Senang membayangkan bisa melihat Jepang, sekaligus bingung membayangkan harus presentasi.
Besok ada seminar sehari (gratis) tentang finite element for geotechnical engineering. Plus makan siang dan snack. Hehe.

daily life 23 April 09

 

I am happy these days because of my works (this is such a good news, isn’t it?).  First, I submitted the final paper for ICOSSAR and discussed with Profs financial plan for attending the conference. The finalization of this paper is not a big accomplishment as the major works have been done last semester. However, an acceptance letter of a paper really looks nice. And the plan to present in a conference sounds even more nice.

Second, we (Profs and I) agree to stop the extended numerical study on the Metropolis. Now I’m revising the paper and they will assess whether it is worth submitting. Surely this is not great, I have been working on Markov chain and Metropolis for more than 1 year and we are still not sure whether the final result is worth submitting. However, getting some parts done and moving to another part is relieving. I plan to get the paper done by 1 May and enjoying the labour day & weekend peacefully.

Did I mention about moving to another part? My third reason of being cheerful about my works is that I already have something in mind about what to do next when I’m wrapping up the current works. This is also new for me and I’m grateful for it. Along this 2 years of research, the part I don’t like the most is those days when the relief of finishing one part has begun to vanished and I’m still not sure what to do next. I planned to work on the probability model of the hydraulic conductivity (random field) or the rainfall (random process). I also thought that it will be good to set a conference paper as a short term goal for this work. Let’s say we will finish the model and writing a nice short paper within 3-4 months. As if answering my plan and thought, Prof informed me about an upcoming conference next year. He is organizing a section in reliability for that conference. And the summary of that section fits exactly with my thoughts: characterization of spatial variability- how to make inference from samples, simulation of random field and application of the random field model to real problems. I decide to work on the hydraulic conductivity first because literature suggests that its variability is significant. The rainfall can wait.

I also sense that my communication with Profs is getting better. Though I still feel as if I was going to see a dentist each time I present my results to them, I do think there is improvement in understanding among us.

Faramir

I love Faramir!! Faramir of Gondor, a seemingly minor character in the Lord of the Rings, really captures my heart and mind. If such a noble man exists in our world, I would gladly marry him

He was the second (and the youngest) son of the Steward of Gondor.  Since childhood, he has learned – and accepted without grudge – the fact that his brother is their father’s favourite. Still, he grew up to be an able Captain of Gondor and a loving brother to Boromir. Later on, during the War of the Rings, he learned – and accepted willingly – that another man has come to claim the throne of Gondor, and doing so ended the ruling authority of the Steward, which belongs to Faramir after his father’s death. When the Ring of Power appeared within his grasp, again Faramir shown his greatness.

I would not take this thing, if it lay by the highway. Not were Minas Tirith falling in ruin and I alone could save her, so, using the weapon of the Dark Lord for her good and my glory. No, I do not wish for such triumphs…

Here is a man who fought bravely in battle to defend his city, out of his love to the city and its people, not out of his lust of glory as a mighty king. Here is a man who was offered with a chance to rule over all Middle Earth, but was still calm enough to discern wisely. He knew his authority and responsibility; he bore them ably and wisely, without craving for greater authority.

He saw sorrow in Lady Eowyn’s heart from the first time he saw her. And what he saw moved him into genuine pity and pure love. Here is a man who knew and accepted the fact that the lady he cared for was seeking another man’s love, yet still he loved her and confidently waited for the day when Eowyn came to realize her true feelings for Faramir.

It also came to my mind that Faramir’s characters reflect his creator’s background. A devout Catholic, surely Tolkien was not unfamiliar with the idea that nobility does not have to be shown through might; instead, nobility does shine beatifully through humility and meekness. Afterall, that is what we celebrate on this Holy Week: a King who rode a donkey instead of a mighty horse, a King with a crown of thorn and the triumph that comes through a humiliating cross.

Last night, after reading the parts involving Faramir for may be the 4th times; I pondered that maybe I have met a Faramir in real life. For does not my beloved resemble him in the way he accepts things with humility? Yet I often accuse his humility as lack of ambition.

Apakah PhD itu?

Dari percakapan dengan beberapa orang, jadi terinspirasi untuk menulis artikel ini.

1. Apakah PhD itu?

PhD atau panjangnya Doctor of Philosophy merupakan gelar yang diberikan pada seseorang yang telah menyelesaikan studi tingkat doktoral (strata 3). Dari gelarnya dapat dilihat bahwa orang dengan gelar ini -seharusnya- berkemampuan dan berkemauan untuk menjadi seorang doktor (dalam bahasa aslinya berarti pengajar / guru) dan menguasai bidang ilmunya secara mendalam. Tidak sekedar tahu rumus-rumus dan metode-metode, tetapi mengerti benar dasar, tujuan, dan alasan dari semua rumus dan metode tersebut. Salah satu definisi lain, yang rasanya tidak salah, menyebutkan PhD sebagai Permanent Head Damage.

2. Apa bedanya gelar PhD dengan Doktor?

Tergantung bidang ilmu dan jenis studinya, ada macam2 gelar doktor, misal PhD, ThD, Doctor of … dst. Dalam penggunaan sehari2, kita menyapa orang dengan Dr A, Dr. B, bukan A, PhD. Embel2 PhD hanya disertakan di keperluan surat menyurat resmi. Atau di surat undangan nikah dan iklan kematian, kalau kamu orang Indonesia.

Di Indonesia, perbedaan PhD dan Doktor menjadi penting karena universitas2 di Indonesia belum diakui secara internasional untuk menganugerahkan gelar PhD pada seseorang. Itu sebabnya gelar yang diberikan kalau lulus S3 dari univ di Indonesia adalah Doktor, dan bukan PhD. Beberapa dosen saya di ITB dulu ga pernah mau gelarnya ditulis Doktor. Maunya PhD. Enak aja, kata mereka, sekolahnya susah buat dapet PhD!

3. Ngapain aja studi PhD itu?

Sama seperti anak TK: belajar membaca, menulis, berhitung. Yang terakhir ini bahkan tidak perlu untuk bidang studi tertentu.

Studi PhD biasanya ditempuh dalam waktu 4 – 6 tahun. Ada yang lebih singkat, kebanyakan lebih lama Di Civil Engineering Dept. NUS, rata-rata 5 tahun. Dengar-dengar di Purdue bisa 3.5 tahun dan di Univ. of Chicago bisa 9 tahun. 1 – 2 tahun awal biasanya diisi dengan mengambil kuliah-kuliah yang sekiranya akan mendukung penelitian dan meningkatkan peluang kelulusan dalam Qualifying Exam. Sisa masa studi digunakan untuk melakukan penelitian yang nantinya akan dituangkan dalam thesis / disertasi.

4. Apa saja milestones dalam studi PhD? 

Harus lulus Qualifying Exam. Ujian ini intinya menilai penguasaan si mahasiswa PhD akan dasar-dasar bidang ilmunya. Tidak hanya terbatas pada topik penelitiannya, tetapi juga konsep-konsep dasar lain dalam bidang ilmunya. Umumnya ditempuh dalam 1-2 tahun pertama.

Harus menyusun proposal penelitian yang jelas dan mempertahankan proposal ini di depan panel yang berisi para profesor yang dirasa ahli di bidang penelitian tersebut. Umumnya ditempuh dalam 2 – 3 tahun pertama.

Memperoleh temuan hasil penelitian yang cukup layak untuk dipublikasikan dalam jurnal internasional ataupun seminar internasional. Di Civil Eng. NUS, standarnya berkisar antara 2-3 makalah jurnal dan 2-3 makalah seminar. Mengingat jurnal-jurnal teknik sipil umumnya memakan waktu 8 bulan – 1 tahun untuk proses review dan revisi saja, menerbitkan makalah dalam jurnal bukan hal mudah. Untuk mengakali hal ini, ada mahasiswa yang mengirim makalahnya ke jurnal yang salah satu editornya adalah profesornya sendiri. Yes, some of us do sink that low.

5. Apa itu penelitian?

Kalau ada yang tahu, berilah saya pencerahan!

Menurut legenda, penelitian itu upaya tiada henti untuk menemukan sesuatu yang BARU dan BERGUNA. Baru artinya di seluruh dunia belum pernah ada yang melakukan seperti yang kita lakukan. Berguna artinya kita tahu hasil penelitian ini bakal dibuat apa nantinya, bukan sekedar untuk memuaskan keingintahuan saja.

Untuk bidang engineering, tidak perlu sampai menemukan rumus baru atau material baru. Yang umum dilakukan adalah menyusun metode baru untuk menghitung / mengukur sesuatu, memperbaiki metode yang sudah ada, menerapkan metode yang sudah ada untuk memecahkan kasus yang di seluruh dunia dari jaman Nuh sampai sekarang belum berhasil dipecahkan, atau combine two methods in a smart way (kata profesor saya).

6. Darimana datangnya topik penelitian?

Umumnya mahasiswa PhD sudah punya ketertarikan pada topik tertentu (dalam skala luas). Dari ketertarikan inilah kami memilih universitas / profesor  yang kira-kira sesuai. Meskipun ada pertimbangan lain, misal universitas yang menawarkan beasiswa menggiurkan. Lalu topik yang lebih dalam dan spesifik akan muncul dari hasil membaca kira-kira 100 makalah selama 1 – 2 tahun, diskusi dengan profesor, dan juga disesuaikan dengan proyek penelitian profesor saat itu, yang umumnya didanai oleh pemerintah atau industri.

7. Apa kegiatan sehari-hari mahasiswa PhD?

Bervariasi tergantung universitas, bidang studi, dan profesor.

Sebagai ilustrasi, jadwal sehari-hari saya diisi dengan melakukan perhitungan, termenung melihat hasil perhitungan yang aneh dan tidak sesuai teori, membaca makalah dan buku untuk mengecek teori dan mengecek apa ada  orang yang sudah mendului saya memecahkan hal ini, berdiskusi dengan prof tentang hasil dan langkah selanjutnya, gembira kalau sebab keanehan ditemukan, menulis makalah, di tengah menulis sadar bahwa hasil saya kurang, balik menghitung lagi, menulis, revisi sekitar 5x dari prof, datang kuliah, membuat tugas kuliah, mengajar tutorial untuk anak2 S1, mengoreksi tutorial, datang seminar khususnya yang ada makan gratis. Semua kegiatan ini umumnya memakan waktu dari 9 am – 8 pm (dipotong waktu makan dan bingung).

8. Berapa ratio kelulusan program PhD?

Yang jelas tidak 100%. Pernah dengar dari teman katanya 50-50. Hiii. Tapi selama 2 thn saya menjadi mahasiswa PhD, memang melihat beberapa teman yang memutuskan mundur (atau diputuskan oleh Prof). Merasa tidak cocok dengan kehidupan sehari-hari yang isinya berpikir, merenung, membaca, menulis,  berhitung, dan bingung. Merasa ingin bekerja yang hasilnya lebih nyata. Insinyur sipil yang kerja di konsultan, begadang 3 malam menghasilkan perhitungan struktur. Yang kerja di kontraktor, kerja keras tahu-tahu gedungnya jadi. Bagi mahasiswa PhD, begadang berujung …. makalah, yang kadang pun ditolak oleh jurnal.

9. Jadi apa setelah lulus PhD?

Oh macam-macam. Yang masih cinta proses belajar mengajar dan meneliti, jadi researcher di universitas atau lembaga-lembaga riset. Yang mau lebih practical, jadi staf R&D di perusahaan besar (sebab perusahaan kecil ga ada R&D nya). Yang udah muak (”no more research” kata teman satu lab ku) bisa kerja di industri sesuai bidang ilmu masing-masing. Contohnya, PhD on Civil Eng. bisa kerja di konsultan struktur atau bahkan kontraktor. Yang bahkan merasa muak dengan bidang studinya, bisa jadi pengusaha, agen properti (ada ini beneran), bintang sinetron (ini juga ada), atau bahkan komikus (yang ini bukan dari civil eng sih). 

10. Apa parameter seorang PhD yang baik?

Menurut wejangan yang saya terima dari para Begawan: menguasai konsep dasar bidang ilmunya, sangat menguasai topik penelitiannya, up to date dengan perkembangan terkini bidangnya, dapat menemukan topik-topik penelitian yang berguna untuk kehidupan dan dapat menyumbangkan solusi bermutu dalam topik tersebut.

Menurut khalayak umum (yang menurut saya tidak tepat): banyak menulis makalah dan ikut seminar dimana-mana. Lulus dalam 3 tahun.

11.Senangkah menjadi mahasiswa PhD?

Tidak senang kalau hasil perhitungan aneh. Lebih tidak senang lagi kalau sudah begitu, prof mengkritik. Paling tidak senang saat bingung tidak tahu langkah selanjutnya. Merasa tidak berguna saat paper ditolak atau dikritik tajam.Kadang merasa aneh saat teman seangkatan di SMA atau S1 sudah jadi manager, mencicil rumah dan mobil, nikah dan punya anak, sedangkan kita masih berstatus mahasiswa.

Senang saat tahu teman yang sudah lulus PhD dapat gaji gede (ok, we’re still human). Senang saat anak S1  yang diajar mengerti hal baru. Senang saat perhitungan yang sulit dapat dipecahkan. Senang sekali saat dapat mengerti hal baru tanpa diajari siapa-siapa. Senang saat paper diterima. Senang saat melihat profesor yang bermutu –sampai tua terus belajar, masih semangat mengajar dan meneliti– dan membayangkan suatu hari kelak saya akan menjadi seperti itu.

ditulis sambil menunggu perhitungan Matlab selesai. Tulisan sudah selesai, Matlab belum.

loving our parents

Today I consider this question: do I love my father and mother as a person, just the way he / she is; or do I love them as an entity named ‘parents’ who is supposed to be in peace & love to each other?

I am relieved to find that the first one is my answer. I love my father. I love my mother. They are individuals, two different persons, two minds, two hearts, and two feelings. Of course, I firmly believe that they have been made one as Scripture tells us. Yet I am aware that the unity has not been made perfect. Surely I want my parents to be loving and warm towards each other. Yet when they face a problem and react differently, I don’t want to (and I don’t think I have the right to) force them to throw away their differences at once. I will listen to them both, accusing neither, defend both, and pray for them.  I think I would rather have them be in conflict for a while than have one of them repress his / her thoughts and feelings. For a while. Until they themselves reconcile their differences.

But one may say that this may lead to ‘irreconcilable differences’ which many cite as their reason to divorce. Now, I think this is where the dimension of faith comes in. I believe that they have been made one. The Lord will grant them grace to heal their wounds, to reconcile, and to strengthen their love, as He had done throughout their marriage life.

farewell to Oma

Oma passed away last Saturday. Haven’t had time to ponder and write in details. Just stunned how people seems grow older very fast. How my friends are now with babies, my parents become opa & oma, and Oma had gone. Some scenes keep coming to my mind: how her old friends stood in silence and wept before her coffin, how beautiful her last photograph is, and how I feel so miserable when her coffin passed dr cipto for the last time.

And I feel a bit angry to some friends who do not even care to say their condolences to me. Not even sms or saying it directly to me. And Chris’ uncle& aunt who reside in Semarang, they don’t even bother to come. How dare they! They know my father, they even know Oma, and their nephew is in a relationship to me!  And when their son & his wife were here in hospital, I visited them at least 3 times!!!! To  me, this shows 1)how low they appreciate us 2)what kind of people they are.