Today I consider this question: do I love my father and mother as a person, just the way he / she is; or do I love them as an entity named ‘parents’ who is supposed to be in peace & love to each other?
I am relieved to find that the first one is my answer. I love my father. I love my mother. They are individuals, two different persons, two minds, two hearts, and two feelings. Of course, I firmly believe that they have been made one as Scripture tells us. Yet I am aware that the unity has not been made perfect. Surely I want my parents to be loving and warm towards each other. Yet when they face a problem and react differently, I don’t want to (and I don’t think I have the right to) force them to throw away their differences at once. I will listen to them both, accuse neither, defend both, and pray for them. I think I would rather have them be in conflict for a while than have one of them repress his / her thoughts and feelings. For a while. Until they themselves reconcile their differences.
But one may say that this may lead to ‘irreconcilable differences’ which many cite as their reason to divorce. Now, I think this is where the dimension of faith comes in. I believe that they have been made one. The Lord will grant them grace to heal their wounds, to reconcile, and to strengthen their love, as He had done throughout their marriage life.