I am being such a snobbish, sarcastic, skeptic person these days. I feel so bad because I failed to generate good results (or ‘spectacular’ results, as Prof Q put it) for the Rhodos’ conference. I keep wishing to do a research visit, and inwardly complain that NUS does not facilitate such programs for its PhD students. To think that it has so many exchange programs for undergrads. And undergrads don’t really need exchange program, do they? Their life is good enough without it. It’s us, the miserable lab rats, who need to get a break and consolations once in a while.

And of course I keep feeling annoyed everytime I see those women. I look down on her, because just by getting married, suddenly she becomes a rich lady, whose schedule is filled with dinners, dressing up, parties, and holidays. Really, everytime I see her facebook page, I remember that quote: “others fought for power, but thou, o fortunate Hapsburgs, marry!” Maybe in present days we can change that into, “but thou, o silly pretty ladies, marry rich!” And I envy those women whose man manage to do very well in business / works. Sometimes my heart would burst out asking,”do you support your man as much as I do mine? do you pray for your man as sincere as I do? are you as capable as me in discussing work / business matters?” IF NOT, then how come it is me envying you and not the other way around?

And then St Paul’s exhortations to the Corinthians struck me: “is Christ really in you?” Seeing my present condition, how can I answer yes?